Gazelles, Politico bureaucrati and other particulate matter
March 29, 2007I figure after weeks of serious blogs, it was time to lighten things up.
You see, Windsor is facing, I fear, a very serious problem. Our Economic Development Commissioner is hoping, by watering and nurturing our economic gardens, herds of gazelles will ultimately call Windsor home. Gord Henderson today also is advocating that the species known as politico bureaucratis be herded to Windsor to take advantage of the future abundance of said gardens. An additional issue is that economic gardens also attract commercialia bovinae which are grain-fed through public subsidy.
The problem is however, these species are known for emitting Nitrogen Dioxide (N2O) and Methane through the decomposition of Fine-Particulate Matter (PM). This is of grave concern, considering that in Toronto and Ottawa for example, of lot of this Fine-Particulate Matter is emitted daily, notably during Question Period.
What is the effect of this? Well I turned to the expert on politico bureaucratis, and arguably, commercialia bovinae, Republican House Representative, Dana Rohrabacher (apparently a mass producer of particulate matter) for his paleotologic analysis of the problem of fine-particulate matter and other emissions during the cretaceous period:
My oh my, whatever will we do? Scientists today have sounded the warning in their 400 page report regarding bovine particulate matter entitled, “Livestocks Long Shadow” so this is why I fear what our economic gardens will do. Economic gardens to the south and west of us are already blowing particulate matter and nitrogen dioxide our way. In fact, over 18 tonnes of methane gas and .25 tonnes of nitrogen dioxide are produced per year. A good stiff wind from the south or west blows it all our way. (Figures for Ottawa and Toronto are not available at time of printing).
God forbid the gazelles, or the politico bureaucratis stop by Taco Bell for a little grazing - particulate matter and methane gas levels could go through the roof!
So there is only one solution to this very serious problem. If we’re going to build economic gardens, we must build tunnels to herd the politico bureaucratis, commercialia bovinae and gazelles through. Then, we could export all the particulate matter to Dalton McGuinty’s proposed incinerators (which can be scrubbed, thanks Gord Henderson for that column). With all that dung we could probably create enough energy (and hot air) to power Ontario!
Speaking of particulate matter…
It seems our own city hall is producing its own fair share. When does “creating” become “consolidation?” Why, when we’re talking about the proposed Ministry of Propaganda, er, Communications Department at City Hall.
As a communications student, I realise the importance of effective communication of public policy. However, as a human being, I also realise the importance of the health of our community in hard economic times. But I can see the greater importance of a communications department over job training and counselling for the hard-to-employ.
I sent off another shirt to the dry cleaners today (that’s it, I’m done with coffee!) after reading our Mayor’s doublespeak today:
“What we’re going to do is ensure every tax dollar that we take in is going to be efficiently spent,” Francis said. “It’s going to allow us to better streamline our services.”
He preceded this with, “An example of where efficiencies can be achieved is in communications, where there are many departments and agencies that provide a communication component to the public. The city has two communications officers, and the police, Enwin and the public library each have their own. That can be consolidated into one department.”
What we’re going to do? Do you mean to tell Windsorites that for the past 4 years that is something you haven’t done? Oh right, I forgot - the arena, the cost overuns on streetscaping, bus terminal, Peace Beacon, Huron Lodge. Now that those messes are out of the way, we’re going to become efficient. But don’t worry - this won’t affect taxpayers, according to our finance department. Nevermind the fact that these unexpected costs add to the expense line, and take away from the revenue. Heck, the $5 million in “bridge-financing” charges added about 1% to the tax bill.
Small question, will this “consolidation” amount to costing an additional $300,000 this year and what would it cost per year thereafter? After-all, if we consolidate, we need to buy new office furniture, computer equipment, hire a Communications Adminstrator and/or Director, and/or Manager and/or those two other officers, pay the movers, and have another mouth to feed at those in-camera council meetings?
Maybe the city really does need a communications department. Good grief.
I don’t care how much it costs - build those tunnels now!
